第19节（第901-950行） (19/20)

m.lambertshruggedhisshoulders.

"beginbyaskingyourselfforit,"resumedhe,bluntly."godhasgivenityou,anditisyourownsense,andnotchance,thatmustkeepitforyou.onewouldthink,tohearpeopletalk,thatsicknesscomesuponusliketherainorthesunshine,withoutonehavingawordtosayinthematter.beforewecomplainofbeingillweshouldprovethatwedeservetobewell."

iwasabouttosmile,butthedoctorlookedangry.

"ah!youthinkthatiamjoking,"resumedhe,raisinghisvoice;"buttellme,then,whichofusgiveshishealththesameattentionthathegivestohisbusiness?doyoueconomizeyourstrengthasyoueconomizeyourmoney?doyouavoidexcessandimprudenceintheonecasewiththesamecareasextravaganceorfoolishspeculationsintheother?doyoukeepasregularaccountsofyourmodeoflivingasyoudoofyourincome?

doyouconsidereveryeveningwhathasbeenwholesomeorunwholesomeforyou,withthesamecarethatyoubringtotheexaminationofyourexpenditure?youmaysmile;buthaveyounotbroughtthisillnessonyourselfbyathousandindiscretions?"

ibegantoprotestagainstthis,andaskedhimtopointouttheseindiscretions.theolddoctorspreadouthisfingers,andbegantoreckonuponthemonebyone.

"primo,"criedhe,"wantofexercise.youliveherelikeamouseinacheese,withoutair,motion,orchange.consequently,thebloodcirculatesbadly,thefluidsthicken,themuscles,beinginactive,donotclaimtheirshareofnutrition,thestomachflags,andthebraingrowsweary.

"secundo.irregularfood.capriceisyourcook;yourstomachaslavewhomustacceptwhatyougiveit,butwhopresentlytakesasullenrevenge,likeallslaves.

"tertio.sittinguplate.insteadofusingthenightforsleep,youspenditinreading;yourbedsteadisabookcase,yourpillowsadesk!

atthetimewhentheweariedbrainasksforrest,youleaditthroughthesenocturnalorgies,andyouaresurprisedtofindittheworseforthemthenextday.

"quarto.luxurioushabits.shutupinyourattic,youinsensiblysurroundyourselfwithathousandeffeminateindulgences.youmusthavelistforyourdoor,ablindforyourwindow,acarpetforyourfeet,aneasy-chairstuffedwithwoolforyourback,yourfirelitatthefirstsignofcold,andashadetoyourlamp;andthankstoalltheseprecautions,theleastdraughtmakesyoucatchcold,commonchairsgiveyounorest,andyoumustwearspectaclestosupportthelightofday.

youhavethoughtyouwereacquiringcomforts,andyouhaveonlycontractedinfirmities.

"quinto"

"ah!enough,enough,doctor!"criedi."pray,donotcarryyourexaminationfarther;donotattachasenseofremorsetoeachofmypleasures."

theolddoctorrubbedhisnosewithhissnuffbox.

"yousee,"saidhe,moregently,andrisingatthesametime,"youwouldescapefromthetruth.youshrinkfrominquiry——aproofthatyouareguilty.habemusconfitentemreum!butatleast,myfriend,donotgoonlayingtheblameontime,likeanoldwoman."

thereuponheagainfeltmypulse,andtookhisleave,declaringthathisfunctionwasatanend,andthattherestdependeduponmyself.

whenthedoctorwasgone,isetaboutreflectinguponwhathehadsaid.

althoughhiswordsweretoosweeping,theywerenotthelesstrueinthemain.howoftenweaccusechanceofanillness,theoriginofwhichweshouldseekinourselves!perhapsitwouldhavebeenwisertolethimfinishtheexaminationhehadbegun.

butistherenotanotherofmoreimportance——thatwhichconcernsthehealthofthesoul?amisosureofhavingneglectednomeansofpreservingthatduringtheyearwhichisnowending?havei,asoneofgodssoldiersuponearth,keptmycourageandmyarmsefficient?shallibereadyforthegreatreviewofsoulswhichmustpassbeforehimwhoisinthedarkvalleyofjehoshaphat?

darestthouexaminethyself,omysoul!andseehowoftenthouhasterred?

first,thouhasterredthroughpride!forihavenotdulyvaluedthelowly.ihavedrunktoodeeplyoftheintoxicatingwinesofgenius,andhavefoundnorelishinpurewater.ihavedisdainedthosewordswhichhadnootherbeautythantheirsincerity;ihaveceasedtolovemensolelybecausetheyaremen——ihavelovedthemfortheirendowments;ihavecontractedtheworldwithinthenarrowcompassofapantheon,andmysympathyhasbeenawakenedbyadmirationonly.thevulgarcrowd,whichioughttohavefollowedwithafriendlyeyebecauseitiscomposedofmybrothersinhopeorgrief,ihaveletpassbywithasmuchindifferenceasifitwereaflockofsheep.iamindignantwithhimwhorollsinrichesanddespisesthemanpoorinworldlywealth;andyet,vainofmytriflingknowledge,idespisehimwhoispoorinmind——iscornthepovertyofintellectasothersdothatofdress;itakecreditforagiftwhichididnotbestowonmyself,andturnthefavoroffortuneintoaweaponwithwhichtoattackothers.

ah!if,intheworstdaysofrevolutions,ignorancehasrevoltedandraisedacryofhatredagainstgenius,thefaultisnotaloneintheenviousmaliceofignorance,butcomesinpart,too,fromthecontemptuousprideofknowledge.

alas!ihavetoocompletelyforgottenthefableofthetwosonsofthemagicianofbagdad.

oneofthem,struckbyanirrevocabledecreeofdestiny,wasbornblind,whiletheotherenjoyedallthedelightsofsight.thelatter,proudofhisownadvantages,laughedathisbrothersblindness,anddisdainedhimasacompanion.onemorningtheblindboywishedtogooutwithhim.

"towhatpurpose,"saidhe,"sincethegodshaveputnothingincommonbetweenus?formecreationisastage,whereathousandcharmingscenesandwonderfulactorsappearinsuccession;foryouitisonlyanobscureabyss,atthebottomofwhichyouheartheconfusedmurmurofaninvisibleworld.continuethenaloneinyourdarkness,andleavethepleasuresoflighttothoseuponwhomtheday-starshines."

withthesewordshewentaway,andhisbrother,leftalone,begantocrybitterly.hisfather,whoheardhim,immediatelyrantohim,andtriedtoconsolehimbypromisingtogivehimwhateverhedesired.

"canyougivemesight?"askedthechild.

"fatedoesnotpermitit,"saidthemagician.

"then,"criedtheblindboy,eagerly,"iaskyoutoputoutthesun!"

whoknowswhethermypridehasnotprovokedthesamewishonthepartofsomeoneofmybrotherswhodoesnotsee?

buthowmuchoftenerhaveierredthroughlevityandwantofthought!

howmanyresolutionshaveitakenatrandom!howmanyjudgmentshaveipronouncedforthesakeofawitticism!howmanymischiefshaveinotdonewithoutanysenseofmyresponsibility!thegreaterpartofmenharmoneanotherforthesakeofdoingsomething.welaughatthehonorofone,andcompromisethereputationofanother,likeanidlemanwhosauntersalongahedgerow,breakingtheyoungbranchesanddestroyingthemostbeautifulflowers.

and,nevertheless,itisbythisverythoughtlessnessthatthefameofsomemeniscreated.itrisesgradually,likeoneofthosemysteriousmoundsinbarbarouscountries,towhichastoneisaddedbyeverypasserby;eachonebringssomethingatrandom,andaddsitashepasses,withoutbeingablehimselftoseewhetherheisraisingapedestaloragibbet.whowilldarelookbehindhim,toseehisrashjudgmentshelduptheretoview?

sometimeagoiwaswalkingalongtheedgeofthegreenmoundonwhichthemontmartretelegraphstands.belowme,alongoneofthezigzagpathswhichwindupthehill,amanandagirlwerecomingup,andarrestedmyattention.themanworeashaggycoat,whichgavehimsomeresemblancetoawildbeast;andheheldathickstickinhishand,withwhichhedescribedvariousstrangefiguresintheair.hespokeveryloud,andinavoicewhichseemedtomeconvulsedwithpassion.heraisedhiseyeseverynowandthenwithanexpressionofsavageharshness,anditappearedtomethathewasreproachingandthreateningthegirl,andthatshewaslisteningtohimwithasubmissivenesswhichtouchedmyheart.

twoorthreetimessheventuredafewwords,doubtlessintheattempttojustifyherself;butthemaninthegreatcoatbeganagainimmediatelywithhisloudandangryvoice,hissavagelooks,andhisthreateningevolutionsintheair.ifollowedhimwithmyeyes,vainlyendeavoringtocatchawordashepassed,untilhedisappearedbehindthehill.

ihadevidentlyjustseenoneofthosedomestictyrantswhosesullentempersareexcitedbythepatienceoftheirvictims,andwho,thoughtheyhavethepowertobecomethebeneficentgodsofafamily,chooserathertobetheirtormentors.

icursedtheunknownsavageinmyheart,andifeltindignantthatthesecrimesagainstthesacredpeaceofhomecouldnotbepunishedastheydeserve,wheniheardhisvoiceapproachingnearer.hehadturnedthepath,andsoonappearedbeforemeatthetopoftheslope.

thefirstglance,andhisfirstwords,explainedeverythingtome:inplaceofwhatihadtakenforthefurioustonesandterriblelooksofanangryman,andtheattitudeofafrightenedvictim,ihadbeforemeonlyanhonestcitizen,whosquintedandstuttered,butwhowasexplainingthemanagementofsilkwormstohisattentivedaughter.

iturnedhomeward,smilingatmymistake;butbeforeireachedmyfaubourgisawacrowdrunning,iheardcallsforhelp,andeveryfingerpointedinthesamedirectiontoadistantcolumnofflame.

amanufactoryhadtakenfire,andeverybodywasrushingforwardtoassistinextinguishingit.

ihesitated.nightwascomingon;ifelttired;afavoritebookwasawaitingme;ithoughttherewouldbenowantofhelp,andiwentonmyway.

justbeforeihaderredfromwantofconsideration;nowitwasfromselfishnessandcowardice.

butwhat!haveinotonathousandotheroccasionsforgottenthedutieswhichbindustoourfellowmen?isthisthefirsttimeihaveavoidedpayingsocietywhatioweit?haveinotalwaysbehavedtomycompanionswithinjustice,andlikethelion?haveinotclaimedsuccessivelyeveryshare?ifanyoneissoill-advisedastoaskmetoreturnsomelittleportion,igetprovoked,iamangry,itrytoescapefromitbyeverymeans.howmanytimes,whenihaveperceivedabeggarsittinghuddledupattheendofthestreet,haveinotgoneoutofmyway,forfearthatcompassionwouldimpoverishmebyforcingmetobecharitable!howoftenhaveidoubtedthemisfortunesofothers,thatimightwithjusticehardenmyheartagainstthem.

withwhatsatisfactionhaveisometimesverifiedthevicesofthepoorman,inordertoshowthathismiseryisthepunishmenthedeserves!

oh!letusnotgofarther——letusnotgofarther!iinterruptedthedoctorsexamination,buthowmuchsadderisthisone!wepitythediseasesofthebody;weshudderatthoseofthesoul.

iwashappilydisturbedinmyreveriebymyneighbor,theoldsoldier.

nowithinkofit,iseemalwaystohaveseen,duringmyfever,thefigureofthisgoodoldman,sometimesleaningagainstmybed,andsometimessittingathistable,surroundedbyhissheetsofpasteboard.

hehasjustcomeinwithhisglue-pot,hisquireofgreenpaper,andhisgreatscissors.icalledhimbyhisname;heutteredajoyfulexclamation,andcamenearme.

"well!sothebulletisfoundagain!"criedhe,takingmytwohandsintothemaimedonewhichwaslefthim;"ithasnotbeenwithouttrouble,icantellyou;thecampaignhasbeenlongenoughtowintwoclaspsin.